How-To Guide: Surviving the Mayan Apocalypse
Chandler: I’m bringing a machete, a thong, and six suicide capsules.
Cam: I’m bringing my entire thong collection, soccer cleats, and the Riverside Shakespeare.
Shit Beth and Cam Say
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is this what the young people call “sexting”
- Camila: i awoke from my reverie and was like "i've reblogged the whole internet ooops sorrynotsorry"
Come to this gay jungle.
- Atticus (in reference to the Philippines)
Never have I ever tossed someone’s salad.
Wait.
Tossed a salad or put your finger in someone’s salad?
- King’s cup
Does Mexican food count as American food?
- Beth
I hope you know when you see me tonight Ima make you smell me.
- Cam (to Hayden)
I ate all the cucumbers. Like actually, all of them. They were looking unloved and were sliced so appealingly. And my coworker walked by and was like, “Why are all the cucumbers gone? No one likes cucumbers.”
…WHO DOESN’T LIKE CUCUMBERS? Ungrateful philistines! THEY’RE SO CRUNCHY AND REFRESHING. PUT THAT SHIT IN WATER, EVEN MAKES WATER BETTER.
- Cam
- Reisha: Yo, this thing is delicious.
- It's like a frozen milk bar or some shit.
- Beth: Just milk? Or is it sweet?
- Reisha: Yeaaaa.
- Beth: Reisha, that's ice cream....it's an ice cream bar.
About Shit Beth and Cam Say
we're mildly well-educated university students drunk at the local hipster coffee shop, stroking our own ego-testicles.
